Fell Off the Wagon...

Well, there's no "falling" to it, I blew the wheels right off that puppy!! I have good reasons, er, excuses though! We went to New Orleans, who can eat right there, right??? It was my birthday, everyone deserves to cheat a little, right??? Then I had a horrible realization come crashing down on me. Last year, on September 11, 2006, I joined Weight Watchers. Tomorrow it will be one year. Even by conservative estimates, I should be down 52 pounds, right? They say you can lose about a pound a week, and I was, so I should be an average of 52 pounds lighter than this time last year. Sadly, that is not the case. I'm down about 4. So, not only did I keep the original 12 pounds off that I HAD lost, I gained 8 of them back. I was so depressed when I realized that. I hope that will give me the motivation I need to realize, slow and steady wins this race. I may get discouraged when a month goes by and I only have lost 2 or 3 pounds, but this time next year, if I was down 50 pounds (give or take a pound) I would be ECSTATIC!! I would be putting on my skimpiest dress to go have dinner with my husband on my birthday, and not standing in my closet in a panic when he said to dress up and wonder which of my knit capri pants and t-shirts are the most "dressy"!!

So, I'm calling a do-over. I still want to do this on my own, not join WW again, or do the South Beach Diet, or any other diet fad. It all boils down to eat less, move more. It sounds so easy.

Checking In

Well, it's been a couple of days, but not bad days, so that's good. On Monday I had to rush out at the last minute to be with a family member in the hospital, and was there most of the day, so all my good eating plans were out the window. I had oatmeal before I left, which was a good thing since I was there way longer than I thought I would be, and didn't bring anything to snack on. I ended up having some hospital mystery meat, I really don't know what it was, but just ate the meat to hold me over for a while.

Then for dinner we had tons of leftover fajita meat, so I made salads, with boiled egg, avocado, tomatoes, cucumbers, and some soy miso dressing, it was so good. I know the dressing is kind of high in fat, but it has no carbs, so it's a trade off. It's sooo good though!

Then yesterday, had a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast, more than I usually eat for breakfast, but I did some yoga, so I hope that balanced it out. I had one of the South Beach wraps for lunch, the chicken caesar wrap, it was a little on the puny side (and thanks to Big Daddy for texting me a picture of Phil's Ice House, where he went for lunch).

Had some Southwestern Chicken and Black Bean Burritos for dinner, they're good, I only used a very small amount of cheese and sour cream. Then I did have some vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. Not a lot, just had to have something sweet.

So, I need to learn how to eat better when I'm on the run. It seems I do okay if I'm at home or at work, and I can have a plan and stick to it, but you throw a wrench in the works, even a small one, and I'm thrown off course pretty easily. That's how I end up in the drive thru lane at Taco Bell! But, I try to think of the big picture, and even if I do end up at Taco Bell once a month or so, it's way better than before, when I used to eat fast food several times a week. Have to remember, moderation is the key!! Taco Bell is not my enemy.

I think I'll go do more yoga, all this talk of Taco Bell isn't good...

Weekends...

Well, one thing I've learned...weekends are NOT my friend. I don't want to think about what to eat, or what I should eat, or what I shouldn't eat. I really just want to sit and veg, and eat. I had one last meatball sandwich for lunch yesterday, then we grilled fajitas and veggies and homemade salsa for dinner, so that wasn't too bad. I wanted a chocolate cake so bad. I don't know why, it just sounded really, really good. I did get some strawberries and plan on making some shortcakes, that can't be too terrible, can it?

Today I skipped breakfast on our way out to church, and we went to Jason's Deli for lunch. I had a half a sandwich, been in a weird, try something new mood, so I got a Santa Fe Chicken sandwich, it had Russian Dressing on it, no idea what that is, but it was on whole grain bread, and had avocados on it, it wasn't too bad. I also had a side salad, with feta cheese, almonds, artichokes, yum. And just a tiny taste of the soft serve. So I guess while writing it all down I've realized I haven't been as bad as I thought I had been, just not as good as I could have been, and thankfully I didn't succumb to all my bad thoughts, or I would have had chocolate cake, strawberry shortcake, and pear cake. It's a certain time of the month for me, where I just need some sweets. I can blame it on that, right?

Phil's and Amy's

Fun day! So it wasn't the best "diet" day, but overall, probably not too bad, and sometimes you just have to have fun!! I had oatmeal for breakfast, good, a meatball sandwich for lunch, not bad, then took the kidlets to see Shrek the 3rd, so hilarious!! Of course, has some popcorn and a little Mr. Pibb, between those two, I didn't get to drink or eat much, so that was a good thing.

Went swimming, so got in a little exercise even, and since it was a million degrees, that was nice. Then had some errands to run with the fam, and went to Phil's Ice House, they have some of the best burgers in town, I had the 78704 burger, it is a jalepeno cheese bun, an all natural beef patty with Monterrey Jack cheese, avocado, grilled onions and chipotle mayo. They have a mixture of sweet potato and regular fries, I only ate the sweet potato ones, they are so good, but there's not a lot of them, so that was good.

Then next door to Amy's where I had a tiny Butta Rum, OMG that was so good. We all played shuffleboard out front, and then the kids played on the playground for a bit. We got there kind of late, so by this time it was dark and cooler (slightly) as we walked to the car, and as we all got in, shut the door, start the car, and splat! we were getting pelted by the heaviest rain I have seen in a while. It was so great that we made it just in time!

So maybe not the best day for eating, but it was fun, and sometimes we need to have a mental health break and just enjoy ourselves (without going overboard).

Taco Bell...Uh-Oh

Well, I thought I had thought of everything! I woke up, had a white chocolate and strawberry Light Yoplait yogurt with a little bit of granola tossed in, and some Mandarin orange slices for breakfast. I brought my South Beach Diet lunch wraps to work, only to find out I had to run all over town today! So, I didn't have lunch with me, and about halfway through my errands, I start starving literally to death. Okay, I'm a little over dramatic, but wouldn't you know, the clouds parted, and up in the sky I see the beautiful purple and brown sign of a Taco Bell!! I swear I could hear bells ringing. So, I got a spicy chicken burrito and a chalupa, never had one of those before, but I was in a rush and it sounded good. I don't have any idea how bad it was nutritionally, but it sure did taste good!

I made meatballs for dinner, probably not that bad, would have been better if I ate them at a reasonable time, but didn't get them done until around 8, so another late dinner for me. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back. Oh well, one thing I know I need to work on is the ability to make a mistake but fix it immediately. Before I would have a bad day then feel like I could just blow off the whole week cause I had already screwed up. So, tomorrow I start with a clean fresh slate.

I'm on a Roll!

Today was another decent day. Baby steps, remember!! I had a Nature's Valley Vanilla granola bar for breakfast, if you go by the WW point system, it was 4 points, so not too bad. Then I just HAD to go see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and had another small victory, I learned to say the words "small" and "no butter" can you believe it?! I did have a small soda, but I drink soda's so rarely, that I don't think one a month is going to be too bad.

I did end up skipping lunch since I got busy, but I went to Starbucks, and don't you just love when this happens (and it always happens when you're on a diet) I ordered a grande light Mocha Frap and they gave me a venti. First of all, the only source of caffeine I normally get on any given day is whatever is in my green tea, or herbal tea, so not much. So a venti, from Starbucks, has enough caffeine in it to put me through a semester of college. But, again, willpower to the rescue!! I drank around half and let The Boy have the rest (he's ADHD, the coffee helps him, believe me).

Of course, that wore off pretty quick, but thankfully, I planned ahead and had dinner going in the crock, a chicken and corn chili, that doesn't have a whole lot of problem ingredients, chicken, corn, black beans, tomatoes, served over a few tortilla chips, with cheese and sour cream and yes, I know that is all evil, but I only used a very small amount, had a very small bowl, AND ate before 7:00!! I was so glad to have dinner done that early.

While at the store today, I also grabbed some South Beach Diet lunch thingies, I have had one before, some kind of wrap, and it was pretty good, so I thought those might be good to bring to work for lunch. I only work 2 days a week, so not like I have a high stress, demanding job or anything, but I want to get away from eating out, it's just WAY too tempting to slip into Fast Food Mode for me.

I'm trying to get up the courage to weigh myself, but I don't wanna, and you can't make me!! Ugh, even if I did, I don't think I could ever put it down in black and white! Well, 6:00 am comes awfully early these days. I hate this first few weeks of school when I have to get readjusted to living a normal life, and not those of a college kid. But I find all of life is much easier to handle when I've had a decent night's sleep.

A Better Day!

So today was MUCH better! I had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast (cinnamon Life) you know, so small you keep looking in the bowl to figure out where the leak is. Then I had an Odwalla breakfast bar for a snack, a chocolate-peanut one, it was really good too, but I found myself ravenous about an hour later. I went to an Indian place for lunch, got it to go back to work, and I actually found out that I do possess a modicum of will power!! I only ate half of it, and brought the rest home, I was proud of myself.

I didn't manage to do any real activity today though, seeing as The Girl kept me up half the night kicking and screaming, so I was so tired, when the kids got home from school, we all took a group nap.

I did end up breaking another rule I had set for myself, not to eat past 7:30, since we went out to eat. I had one roll, a salad, and a grilled chicken breast with some rice, and I had a little of my mashed potatoes, but I did leave most of them on the plate. We even ordered dessert for the kids, but since it was so late, they can have it for an after school snack tomorrow. So I go to bed, not completely stuffed and uncomfortable, like usual, but pleasantly full and content.

It's so hard, for me anyway, to not eat until I want to gag, why is that?? Is it some inner fear that this is gonna be my last meal ever?? Or, gee, I don't know when I'm gonna get a chance to eat again? I need to get over that and realize there is nothing wrong with not eating until you want to puke. And realize that is WAY before I generally STOP eating!!

Welcome!

So this is my first "official" post! I started this blog to help me keep an "almost" daily journal about my struggles and triumphs. I hope that people can relate.

Starting off, I need to lose, God, I don't even want to admit how much I need to lose! Let's start by setting a smaller goal, that's what I always tell myself, let's lose 20 and then see how we feel, and go from there. Sadly, I get discouraged WAY before I hit the 20# mark and most of the time, end up another 5 pounds higher than before, blah.

I guess I should say, I've done Weight Watchers, that was most recently, and did have success, lost 12 pounds in about 3 months, not nearly as fast as I wanted to. I have done Atkins, South Beach, some weird chicken broth diet, and Slim Fast, and probably tons others.

I wake up today with good intentions. I got up early, around 6am, fixed a cup of hot tea, have some quiet time with Big Daddy before I get the kids up, eat a peanut butter granola bar (Nature's Valley, supposed to be healthy, right?) Then after I eat it, I think, hmm, how many fat grams are in this thing? 9!!! I was shocked. So much for my healthy breakfast!!

I must say, I hate all things breakfast related. On weekdays. On weekends, I'm fine with going to Ihop or Cracker Barrel, anywhere for a good, hot breakfast, but during the week, I can't stand breakfast. I usually eat any leftovers from dinner the night before, or a sandwich or something. Not the best, I know, another area I struggle with.

So, I guess having my super high fat granola bar for breakfast wasn't a great start to my new day. For lunch I decide to eat the leftovers from last night, beef and broccoli and fried rice, yum, highly fattening, but I'm just gonna have a little bit, right? There was only a bit in the container, so I heat it up, and only then realize, wow, that's way more than I thought was in there. And I don't HAVE to eat it all...of course I do anyway. UGH!!

Then, time to pick the kids up for school, who are screaming for Sonic. Will it never end?! So, one strawberry limeade and fried jalepeno strips later, here I am, about to eat dinner that's been cooking in the crock pot all day. It's not too bad, a whole chicken, I will peel the skin off, so it shouldn't be too bad right??? So, day one down and already I feel like I'm off to a horrible start.